Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize