I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
