I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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