I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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