I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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