Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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