break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
