Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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