Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
