I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
