I got chris browned last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You don't make any sense
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