ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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