Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
