she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
