Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
