So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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