Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
