I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
