Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
