I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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