Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
