We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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