Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
