I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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