Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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