Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have demons in me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
