cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You made out with two different species that night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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