then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
