So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
