apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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