we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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