We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
