I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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