so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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