3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
