Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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