the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
