Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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