Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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