Sry I called you an 8
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
