You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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