I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
