thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
