when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
