Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
