Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
