i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
