I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
