does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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