we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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