If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
