You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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