girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
