You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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