I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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