...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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