living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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